In my veins
by GeneGenielover28
Summary: AU post series 2. After waking up from her coma and realising that she will never see her daughter again, Alex embarks on her journey to heal the wounds that has been left on her body and on her heart. How will Gene respond to Alex' journey and to her pain?


**Hi again. This story just came to me while listening to this amazing song called in my veins and it just reminded me of Alex and Gene. Again this is sort of AU to season 3 after the 2.8. Let me know what you think. Once again I do not own Ashes or the song. Enjoy**

**In My Veins**

"Let there be light" whispered Alex to herself as she lit the candles that surrounded her darkened flat. It was two days before Christmas and ever since Alex had come out of her coma she had pushed everyone away from her, using the excuse that she needed time to herself. It was half true, she did want the time away from everyone, being around them just made her feel isolated and depressed. Seeing them with happy faces just made her remember everything that she had lost. She didn't feel like she belonged here anymore. She felt nothing. Emptiness, it's the only emotion that she could feel.

_Nothing goes as planned  
Everything will break  
People say goodbye  
In their own special way  
All that you rely on  
And all that you could fake  
Will leave you in the morning  
Come find you in the day_

Ever since she lost her battle to the infection and died without having the chance to say goodbye to her daughter she had lost all hope and confidence in herself. She didn't want to live anymore. She kept to herself even though everyone in the station came to her to wish her well, even Gene came in to see her but even then things were strained between them. All she got was a gruff "good you're back Drake" and a "get back to work soon" and that was that. They never spoke to one another like the way they used to before operation rose. Alex pulled away from everyone, her misery and her grief was felt throughout CID. The atmosphere was dark and tense when anyone was around her. To Shaz, Chris and Ray it was like seeing a walking corpse, a robot, someone who looked like their heart was still beating but the soul was snuffed out. For, Alex, the thought of never seeing her baby girl again was slowly but surely destroying her. The guilt that she felt was overwhelming. The cruel but truthful words of Gene Hunt passed through her mind every day. She was cold; she left her daughter behind on the day of her birthday and for what? Nothing. She was cut from the same cloth as her mother, always putting work first ahead of her daughter, never there when she needed her. She was a failure. Must be a genetic pattern. Her mother was a failure and she was exactly the same

After a while, Alex knew she had to try and move on, get some closure. So, she put in for long service leave, not really specifying when and if she will return.

The news brought CID to a standstill, they couldn't believe it. Alex had often talked about leaving but never believed her so when the super announced the news it rattled the team. They liked and respected Alex, sure she was a pain in the arse, but she was their pain in the arse. She was their inspiration Without her, what would they do?

Alex started the grieving process; she did it on her own...as usual.

She had already gone through denial. She already went through anger and bargaining. Now she was onto sadness. She spent many nights and days crying her heart out. She started to fear that she will start to forget her daughter. She cried more tears when she had found a small envelope with the rest of her permanent documentations hidden away in her cupboard. In that envelope contained all of her photos of her and molly from her days when she was pregnant with Molly all the way to that faithful day when she lost her. Along with those photos was a birth certificate and a death certificate, all confirmed to her, she was dead. She will never see Molly again in her second lifetime. She knew that Molly will be ok but that didn't stop her from hurting.

_Oh, you're in my veins, and I cannot get you out  
Oh, you're all I taste, at night inside of my mouth  
Oh, you run away, cause I am not what you found  
Oh, you're in my veins, and I cannot get you out_

Alex walked across the path that was leading to the local church and cemetery armed with some photos and her birth certificate as she met up with the priest.

"Ms Drake, we talked, I am glad you were able to get here considering the weather" said the old man with the calm graceful smile.

"Yes, we talked about a memorial room for my little girl."

"I take it that you never found her body then?"

"No. She was kidnapped on her 12 birthday after a hostage situation went wrong, her body was never found but there was enough evidence to say that she was shot and killed."

"I am sorry for your loss Ms Drake; I know that it is hard for any mother to lose their only child."

Alex just weakly nodded while another tear fell down her cheek.

"My child, it is ok to grieve, but remember to think about all the good times, your Molly would want you to be happy."

A small smile graced Alex's face.

The small memorial was built when she had arrived, it was a small decorated room, the door was guarded by two small child angels, and both their arms spread out wide while small daffodils graced the garden paths leading up to the small dorm. Inside was a small seat that allowed Alex to come in and sit whenever she wanted, rain or shine. On the wall was a large plaque surrounded by butterflies, shooting stars, hearts and small animals that Alex herself had pained.

_Molly Drake_

_July 12__th__ 1968 – July 12 1980_

_A Child of Mine. 'I'll lend you for a little time, a child of mine,' Christ said. For you to love the while she __lives, and mourn for when she's dead. It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three, but will you, 'til I call her back, take care of her for me? She'll bring her charms to gladden you, and should her stay be brief, you'll have her lovely memories of solace in your grief. I cannot promise she will stay-since all from earth return, but there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn. I looked the wide world over, in search of teachers true, and from the throngs that crowd life's lane, I have selected you. Now will you give her all your love, not think the labor vain-nor hate Me when I come to you and take her home again. I fancied that I heard them say, "Dear Lord, Thy will be done." For all the many joys she'll bring, the risk of grief we'll run. We'll shelter her with tenderness, we'll love her while we may, and for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay. But should the angels call for her, much sooner than we planned, we'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand_

_To my sweet baby girl, til we meet again may I carry your love and memory with me_

Alex touched the plaque while she shredded more tears. Crying. It's the only thing she does anymore, but this was all part of the process. She gently placed her violet and white orchards and roses in the vases that were scattered across the memorial room. Alex then proceeded to place her framed photos around the shelves that were placed into the room before putting down two teddy bears , two stuffed kittens and one cabbage patch doll in the room before stepping back and surveying her good work. Her heart lifted along with her spirits, the process is nearly at an end but she wasn't there quite yet.

_Everything will change  
Nothing stays the same  
Nobody is perfect  
Oh, but everyone is to blame  
All that you rely on  
And all that you can save  
Will leave you in the morning  
Will find you in the day_

She also started to see a therapist so that she would be able to talk through her issues. Everything was on the table from her daddy and mummy issues, her guilt over Molly and her failure as a mother to her broken relationship with Gene. The man she loved. It was also the place where she talked about her hopes for the future.

"Do you see yourself with that man?' With Gene" Or do you think you're too late?" asked the therapist.

"I don't know. I said some insane things to him that day" replied Alex.

"But you were in denial about the death of your daughter, you created this lie for yourself because you didn't want to acknowledge the death of your daughter, he couldn't have possibly known that" reasoned the therapist.

"But he has pushed me away since I woke up from the coma, he wouldn't speak to me unless it was about work and when I showed up to Luigis he was there with a blonde, sometimes it would be a black head woman or a red head or a brunette, kissing them and going off with them" replied a broken Alex.

"How did that make you feel?"

"At the time I didn't notice it, I didn't care, you see, I didn't react to things back then, I was too angry with him. But now, looking back it just hurts. You think that when you love someone and think you have a connection with them you would think they would talk to you and help you, not abandon them when you needed them."

"What is his behaviour telling you?" asked the therapist.

"That he is hurt and he is punishing me for everything from the tape, to the blag and to his loss of reputation and respect after the blag happened and I was shot." Replied Alex.

"Do you think that your relationship would last had you gotten together sooner?" asked the therapist.

"Probably not, hell it would be blown apart and I would have to transfer to a new place."

"And you don't want that."

"No"

"What about children?" asked the therapist.

"After everything I don't think I can have any more children, my losses just hurt too much."

"How about adoption? Asked the therapist.

"I often thought about it, I would love to give a lonely child the chance to be loved again but..."

"You're afraid that the same thing will happen again, like it did to Molly, you're afraid of being a failure." Finished the therapist.

Alex just nodded.

"Listen to me Alex, this was not your fault, we as humans and as parents can only do the best that we can. No child comes with a manual on how to be the perfect parent because there is no such thing. We all have to cope with it and do the best we can do. That is all we can do at the end of the day, the man that killed your molly, if he was determined enough then nothing would have stopped him. You did the right thing to send molly away, he was going to come after you and you did what any other parent would do if they were put in that same situation. Women will always be in a difficult position that is just how it is. It's not fair but that is how life goes, the best you can do is put your best foot forward and try to rise above the things that try to bring you down."

Alex nodded and thought for a while.

"I'll think about it when I go to the local orphanage."

_Oh, you're in my veins, and I cannot get you out  
Oh, you're all I taste, at night inside of my mouth  
Oh, you run away, cause I am not what you found  
Oh, you're in my veins, and I cannot get you out_

Gene was struggling to understand it. Alex never went on long service leave, she was too much of a workaholic to just take up several weeks of time off. Ok he could understand why she wouldn't want to be around anyone, especially him, not after the way he had treated her before and after operation rose had gone down and after he had shot her. He acted like a twat. A cold hearted bastard. Walking around Luigis with women that were half his age hanging on is arm, just to rub it into Alex's face and hurt her. Even the way he treated her at work was low, making her do mundane things, insulting her and just avoiding her in general. But looking back on it he was just being a cowardly spoilt little brat, not bothering to grow up and confront her like a man. Looking back he also realised that after all of that Alex didn't react to him or to his actions, she didn't even notice them, they all flew right over head while the insults went through one of her ear and out the other. That wasn't like the Alex Drake that he knew. It then struck him like a ton of bricks. Shit, why didn't he notice it before? She was mourning someone. She was grieving.

_Bastard, bastard, bastard! _He thought to himself.

Gene finished his last drink and was about to head home when he saw her coming out of her flat. She didn't notice him as she put on her long coat around herself, a scarf around her neck and a head scarf around her new hair cut as she slipped out of the building. Gene decided to follow her, maybe he will be able to understand what had happened to her that fateful day when operation rose went down. He had to know. Did she deceive him? Did she care or did she just take his heart and smashed it with her stiletto heal? Or did he misjudge her? Did he throw her away when she needed him to most?

_No I cannot get you out  
No I cannot get you out  
Oh no, I cannot get you out  
No I cannot get you out_

He took an unmarked car so that she didn't know that he was following her. It didn't take long to see where she went. After following her to the local flower store where he saw her paying for several bouquets of lilies, irises, pink roses, tulips and orchids she travelled on. Gene was curious. Alex bought so many flowers but he had no idea what she was going to do with them. He got his answer after following her couple of streets down the flower store. It was the local cemetery. Gene groaned and thumped his head on the steering wheel, he was right she had been grieving and he didn't see it. God he was a selfish bastard.

He kept his head low as he saw Alex go into to the little stoned room just outside of the church where she was greeted by the local priest. She was there for over half an hour until he saw her remerge, she had tears in her eyes but a small smile on her face. She looked better than did before she took leave. She chatted to the priest once more before the two shared a hug. Gene felt jealousy flow through him, the man was a priest for god sakes! But he couldn't help the way he felt, nobody touches Alex but him. After he was sure that Alex was gone and well out of sight Gene stepped out of the car and went down to the little room. He silently opened the door and was greeted by Molly's memorial room. The new flowers that he saw Alex buy were carefully placed in their vases while the purple irises were placed on the shelf that was sitting just above the area where Alex had placed a couple of little stuffed toys on the ground.

The toys were protected by see through plastic so that it wouldn't rot or mould while on the ground was a little rug that looked like it had been knitted together. Gene scanned the room carefully where he inspected the photos that were sitting in various shelves that were connected on the walls throughout the memorial room. All of them different, there was one photo of Alex during the last months of her pregnancy; there was another one of her in the hospital room cradling her baby girl after birth, kissing the baby's forehead; another one had Alex standing on the beach holding the two year old in her arms; one photo had Molly dressed up in a Cinderella outfit for Halloween; another one was Molly in her school uniform on her first day of school; two more of her and Alex standing outside the Sydney Opera House while there was one more of just Alex and Molly wrapped up together in a blanket on the carpet watching the fire glow. Guilt threaten to engulf him as he read the inscription on the plaque, all this time, her daughter had died and she was in denial about it. That was why she never phoned her daughter, talked about her or saw her. She was dead, died before she came to work with him. Gene felt tears come to his eyes, all this time and he never saw it.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice the person standind outside the room until Gene heard a voice.

"I see you have finally arrived Mr Hunt."

Gene turned around to see the old priest staring back at him.

"How long?"

"Been watching you for a while, I saw you following Ms Drake but didn't say anything to her, you had to find out for yourself."

"How long since..."

"It's been here for nearly three weeks and six days. It was built during the last days of November just a few days after she came out of her coma and went back to work for you. I think she requested it just before she went on long service leave."

"So that was why she was on the phone a lot."

"yeah, poor thing, she was in a flood of tears when she first came here with all those toys, flowers and photos. So much bottled up guilt and sadness. Poor thing blamed herself for her daughter's death. Kept on saying that you were right and that she was cold. But I tell you Mr Hunt you cannot be more wrong, she is the warmest woman I have known."

Gene winced and looked down at the floor feeling ashamed of himself. He only said those things to get back at Alex after he had heard the tape, now he realised just how deep he had cut her.

"She comes here at least twice a week now, which is good, she is healing. She use to come here every day, rain, shine, wind and snow."

All Gene could do was silently nod.

"You should go now, it's getting dark and the dead needs to be at peace." Said the priest

Gene left the cemetery feeling more like an A- grade bastard. He went to another destination- the hospital. He needed more answers. He met up with the nurse that had treated her and tended to her after she had woken up. He figured she had some answers. He had caught Alex the night before staring longing at the nursery room where all the newborns were being kept, he was coming back from dropping off Ray at the emergency room after he was clipped in the shoulder by a robber when he saw her standing outside with a look of sadness in her eyes, looking like something had been taken away from her. Gene remembered that night and was curious. He wanted to know why Alex had been making regular trips to the hospital and to the local orphanage (he had found out from Luigi after he had stumbled in on a conversation that was happening between Luigi and his wife) and had decided to investigate. That was where he got the most devastating news about Alex.

"Ms Drake can't have any more children. The bullet that was taken out had shattered her womb because it had clipped her uterus so badly that the doctors had to remove it. She comes here often, I feel so bad for her Mr Hunt, you see she lost her daughter in 1980 so to lose a second or a third chance of becoming a mother must have been devastating for her."

That one reveal nearly killed Gene right then and there. Not only had he verbally cut her so badly that he nearly traumatised her, but on top of that because of his stupidity and his lousy aim he had taken away Alex's chances of becoming a mother to her own children. He had never felt so much crushing despair in his life.

"I hear that she is seeing a therapist." Said the nurse before attending to her next patient

A therapist that also explained why she had taken time off.

_Everything is dark  
It's more than you could take  
But you catch a glimpse of sunlight  
Shining  
Shining down on your face  
Your face. On your face  
_

Gene parked his car outside of Luigis and stared at Alex's window, the light wasn't on so he figured that she had went to bed but then he saw candlelight lighten up the windowed room. He figured that it was time to face the music. It was time to be a man. A man that Alex can rely on. Taking a deep breath he stepped out of the car and went up to Alex's flat and knocked on the door. He waited for a while and then the door swung open and there stood the beauty that was Alex Drake. She was in a long fluffy crimson dressing gown, her hair was wet, face free from makeup, leggings and socks on while her jumper covered her body underneath her dressing gown. No tears, just a very sad acceptance.

For Alex, seeing him on her door step was a shock, she never thought she would see him up here again. But here he is. The man she had fallen in love with was back. At least something in her life was going right.

The two of them just stared at each other, both of them waiting for the other to make the next move. Since Alex had put herself on the line last time and was rejected by him when she needed him, Gene knew that he was the one that was going to have to make the first move. He said nothing, stepped over the threshold and took Alex in his arms and engulfed her while his hand was buried in her hair and his head obscured inside her neck, taking in her sweet scent. Alex clung on to him tightly, her body shaking, her head laid on his shoulder while her tears landed on his coat.

Both of then stood there for a while, both just enjoying the feel of the other before Gene broke the tension with just one sentence.

"Sorry Alex, I am so, so sorry.

Those were the words that she had been longing to hear ever since she had woken up from her coma. She broke free from his embrace and cradled his face in her hands before leaning up to kiss his lips. This was her way of accepting his apology and letting him know that she loved him and that she was sorry too.

Gene understood what she was trying to say and returned her kiss, it was sweet and tender. Their connection strengthen once more. Their love rekindled once again. No words was needed as he picked her up and headed for the bedroom. It was during a night of passion and forgiveness that they became lovers. Those lovers soon become a family a couple months later when both left the orphanage with two three month twins in their arms, one a blonde haired, blue eyed boy and a red haired, hazel orbed girl. Life was unfair and cruel but together they can make it work because they were Gene and Alex. Unbeakable.

_Oh, you're in my veins, and I cannot get you out  
Oh, you're all I taste, at night inside of my mouth  
Oh, you run away, cause I am not what you found  
Oh, you're in my veins, and I cannot get you out_

_No, i cannot get you out  
No, i cannot get you out...  
Oh no, I cannot get you..._

There you have it. I hoped you enjoyed it.


End file.
